Got home about an hour ago from spending the afternoon and evening at Jer and S's place.¹

It was a really good time and so when I say I miss the crazy I guess I should qualify that as it is good crazy.

We all get together and there is nothing but organized chaos, someone is making this, someone else is mixing that, someone is looking for this, you get the picture, and through it all there are probably 4 conversations going on that you are all following and we are all laughing and having a good time!

I miss that.

Jer's family feels more like a family to me than my family does, with the strict exception of when my sister and I get to hang out.² I simply really feel at home when I am with them.

I do not know exactly what it is but I think the biggest part of it all is that we are all free to be ourselves and say what we want to say. 

Some people would probably be aghast at some of the conversations and comments that are had and made; yet through it all we always laugh and sometimes we share some heartfelt tears.

Always when the 'gang' gets together there is someone who gets emotional and cries, there is an argument³ about something and it's all pointless⁴ and we all love each other and have fun. 

Oh I forgot to add in there that someone always gets the hiccups⁵ from laughing too hard and not being able to breathe!

Today was the first time I got to see the new house and it has been even longer since I got to hang out with my adopted family and even though I so exhausted right now I am feeling just too damn good to go to bed.

So why does this have such an impact?  Why is this so important to me?

In a nutshell I guess I could say that spending time with my family is not like this at all. It is not relaxing, it is not fun, we don't goof off and laugh, we don't let loose, we don't get to really say what is on our minds.

Not putting myself up on a pedestal⁶ but my family is quite well known within the church circles and as such it has almost been like living in a royal family - with protocol and all that kind of bull shit.

It feels like we are always on display and always have to follow that protocol because, well I don't know maybe because that is all «we» know.

It seems to boil down to roles and responsibilities and to be quite frank it is way too starchy for me.

I would much rather sit down and shoot the shit and have a good time, some laughs and feel the warmth of laughter.

Tonight was such a good example of that, we were constantly laughing! And not just giggling but laughing HARD.

I even had a wicked conversation with Jer's nephew tonight, just him and I in the kitchen and we totally goofed off and have not seen each other in over a year.⁷

I am very humbled to still be welcomed there and proud to make a contribution to that energy, love and compassion.

That atmosphere is something I strive to achieve in my own home as well.

So when y'all come on over, let's laugh it up, be ourselves and if you spill the punch on the kitchen floor, well quite frankly - who gives a fuck - let's laugh about it and pour some more punch!

One thing I do have to say is this, Happy Mothers Day to Mamma J - it was really good to see you and you made me feel really special with the way you welcomed me and on the day that you are supposed to be the centre of attention.⁸

As for my mother, well it would help if you picked up the phone.

The picture

The picture I took and posted above, while not the best quality, give me a break it is a cam phone on a dark street corner while on the way home, is of the sign posted just above the donation slot on the back corner of the Salvation Army building.

It says, «You are prohibited from leaving your donations outside of drop-box.»

I got a kick out of the irony because in my twisted mind that seems to be what got someone else into a whole lot of a mess.

1. Jer is my ex but I don't think of him as my ex because really we still feel the same way about each other we just have not been sexual for a very long time - I know it is weird but it is the way it works for us, guess it is just 'different'.  OH and S is his sister↩
2. that is a good time just the same↩
3. when drunk↩
4. the argument that is↩
5. usually me↩
6. furthest thing from it really↩
7. That is one great kid↩
8. just next time don't be sneaking off so I don't get to say goodbye to you↩