A number of years ago my sister¹ started a tradition around Christmas and while the premise of the tradition remains the same she has modified it somewhat.

When it started she sent a rather large package to myself and my BF (H) at the time.  Upon opening the box there were 12 smaller packages with 12 envelopes - this was her version of the 12 days of Christmas.

Each day we would open an envelope that had a hand written letter in it and a present that came with it.  This first year the letters were stories taken from the most hilarious book I have ever seen.

This author took it upon himself to call himself an expert on everything from what to do when your pits start to smell during a date² to what you should do to survive a train accident.³

Throughout the letter my sister would add in her comments and questions - needless to say my sister has a really good sense of humour⁴ so we would sit there and laugh so hard we would be crying.  One time it took us over 30 minutes to get through just one letter because we were sent into fits of laughter that brought us to the brink of a seizure.

That did however prove to be a LOT of work so the tradition has changed to now her flooding me with numerous Christmas cards.  To date, I have received about 7 of them and I know I will be getting more.

Last year, and this really cracked me up, she took envelopes to work and had her co-workers address the envelopes so the hand writing on the card would be different.  She said, "don't want your postal carrier getting suspicious..." now that was some funny shit.

Now I am not sure why she has all these stupid Christmas cards, some I know are from fund-raisers for charities. She also has a massive collection of return address labels⁵ and personalized stationary which she too has sent me with her name crossed off and mine hand written over top.

Today's card I have to say takes the cake for cleverness.  You can kind of make out the scene on the front. Nothing spectacular. A typical winter, cabin on the lake scene but it's what she wrote inside and what she added that had me busting my gut laughing.

I was a little bit leery of the envelope because I could tell there was something inside.  Last time there was something inside the envelope it was that fucking annoying metal confetti shit and we were vacuuming that shit up for almost 2 years, it was everywhere.

Inside was a small package of "Chipotle Tabasco" sauce. With the following message.

OK, so I know the last Christmas card was a bit boring! I wanted to spice things up for this card, and there's no better way to spice things up than with a splash of Tabasco.

And it's not regular Tabasco but Chipotle! I thought about sprinkling it all over the card but I didn't want to ruin this beautiful card!

Enjoy!

As Christmas is approaching I am sure the mail carrier will be busy bringing me more cards!  Can't wait!

Cheers, tH/out

1. also known on here as radishHed↩
2. ask for chamomile tea bags and stick them in your pits - not sure how you are going to hold them there and still look natural but I digress↩
3. I was not aware that accidents really came with all that much warning in order to complete the tasks he was instructing should be completed prior to the collision↩
4. she would have to with her job or she would be behind bars↩
5. Of which I did receive a card of some sort that was completely PLASTERED with address labels. Not a single spot was missed↩