Carted myself off to the hospital today and went through the normal routine of having my ECG ^» 02 then waited around to see the specialists.

Was a little disappointed it took that long to actually get seen by the specialist - usually it is a quick process and rather smooth or fluid in-and-out experience. Today not so much.

I would say that the ECG was routine but I would have to put quotes around that word "routine" because I do present an abnormal ECG due to my LBBB and um um um something else fancy term that shows up.

The squiggles usually look like funny squiggles and nothing else showed up new, which is a good thing, plus I was in Normal Sinus so that is A+ in my book.

The meeting with the specialists was cool. They hung this "receiver" attached to a briefcase syle laptop, around my neck and it started to receive the data being sent from my ICD.

They downloaded and analyzed the data that had been collected and then made some adjustments to the device and what it does and how it reacts to my physiology.

This is what I have affectionately called my firmware upgrade and I am now turnipHed 2.0.

Did get to have the chance to have a few things explained to me, interpret some of the sensations I have been having, why I get light-headed, why my heart feels like it races etc.

The one setback from today is that it appears that the damage from the rupture during surgery has not fully healed and we have to wait longer to complete the "full installation".

However, with my strong insistence we have already set a date for my next ICD follow-up which will include all pre-op procedures and I will be slotted for a surgery date shortly that will be close to after this next appointment.

Lots of people have asked if I am "ok" today and yes I am ok, it is just different. In fact it just kicked in right now for a couple seconds. Not much has really changed, I still get tired fast and need to rest a lot but I am still here and breathing so I take that as a very good sign and I am happy with that for now. ^» 03

So there we have it folks...can not thank all of you enough for your concern, thoughts, support, humour and love.

Please do keep it coming...it sure helps!

1. Implantable Cardioverter Defibrillator
2. Electrocardiogram
3. Very anxious for the completion and to get back to a life that is closer to what I was before this started than what I have now -- really ITCHING to go for a run!

I want to extend a HUGE thank you for all the well wishes and support I have received from all of you. It has been so comforting and over whelming to receive so much love and support from all over. I want you all to know how much it is truly appreciated.

Well I have been home for a couple of days but needed to take the time to rest and recover.  I have been pretty much sleeping for the last 2 days as I have been just completely exhausted. Not to mention super sore and stiff.

It is so very true that you do not know how much you use a muscle until it is hurt or injured.

So here is what happened…

We went to the hospital way early.  I would say bright and early but the flipping sun was not even up yet and it was miserably cold.

Took forever to get through all the pre-op preparation stuff.  Plus I found out that my procedure was going to be done in a new operating room and the team had to set it up for them before I was brought in.

Jumping ahead, was taken into the OR and met the team that was going to be taking care of me.  I have to say that they were a bunch of great people with amazing humour and really put me at ease.  I wasn’t really nervous other than not really knowing how things were going to pan out.

The IV lines were started and I was strapped down to the table. 

I was not knocked out for the procedure, told I would be sedated and most people fall asleep under this sedation.  Well I was not so lucky.  I had not gotten much sleep the night before ^» 01 so I was hoping the sedation would “push me over the edge” and I would fall asleep.

No such luck, in fact I didn’t feel sedated at all.

Took a lot to freeze me on top of being fully awake.  Which was not pleasant, I will openly admit that!

So anyway to stop rambling along here…

The first 2 wires went in rather easily.  One sits in a chamber at the top of my heart and one sits in a chamber at the bottom of my heart and these are the wires to facilitate defibrillation, which will shock my heart back into a normal rhythm when I start to go all wonky.  This is not at all unlike what you see in movies and TV shows where they put the paddles on a patient and shock him or her.

However, what I really needed from the procedure was a third wire which was to be fed into my heart and then out through a blood vessel on the back of my heart that wraps around and sits on the left ventricle ^» 02 which would be there to give my heart a shock every time it would beat to replace the impulse that should be there naturally but because of my LBBB ^» 03 does not happen.

Basically, this would make my heart beat fuller and take the burden off.  This is what would drastically improve the way I feel, improve my energy and reduce the symptoms of my heart failure.

Unfortunately, when the wire was inserted into the vessel it tore and started to bleed into the sac that surrounds the heart which then put extra pressure on my heart, basically squeezed my heart so it couldn’t beat or pump the blood.

Let me tell you that was more pain than I have ever experienced in my life before.  If I thought my first episode was painful this was a whole new eye opening. 

We had to remove the wire and stop the procedure.

So the battery part of the device was attached to the 2 wires already in place and then tucked away under the muscle and I was closed up.

So I am part way there.  Unfortunately, this 3rd wire was the really really really important one that I needed.

We now have to wait for this vessel to fully heal before we can proceed again.  So I have to wait 6 to 8 weeks for this to happen.

I did have an ECHO the next day and it showed that the vessel had stopped bleeding so that is a good sign.  I have been instructed to not take my blood thinners for a week to be sure I do clot fully and start the healing process.

So, I have been laying very low.  Lots of time on the couch, catching up on TV.  It really is about all I can do.  I am restricted on what I can do with my left arm as I need to be very careful to not dislodge the 2 wires that are there now.

Let me tell you that pulling on your socks with one hand is NOT easy!

So that’s what happened.  Kind of farther ahead but not really. 

It is a little frustrating.

1. as can be expected
2. lower left chamber of your heart and the biggest chamber that pumps all your blood to your body
3. Left Branch Bundle Blockage

There have been a couple of developments this week that I wanted to share with you, I would have gotten them up earlier however, I have been just so flipping exhausted that this is the first time I have felt like sitting up at my desk.

Went for a routine check up with my doctor last week and was feeling like full on shit.  No energy whatsoever, even if I would sleep all night and tons during the day.

Turns out I was having a bad reaction to the recent change in my meds and with my weakened condition picked up a nasty infection as well.

So we changed my meds again, pumped me full of anti-biotics and then doctor put me on orders to get to bed and stay there until my surgery.

So that is what I have been doing.  Pretty much nothing.  I am awake for a few hours then end up needing a nap, so I take it.  Up for a few hours then sleep again.

And in other news…

Surgery has been bumped up a couple of days.  I am now going to be the first one on the table when the OR opens up in the new year. 

Surgery will now be on 03 January, first thing in the morning and when all goes perfectly according to plan I will be released from the hospital the next morning to go home and continue my rest and recovery for another week.

It is with a HUGE sense of relief, in fact I just had a huge cry because so much burden, wonder, worry and mystery has been taken away, that I can share with you that I will finally be going for my defibrillator and pacemaker implant surgery on 05 January 2012.

I get to start off the New Year on the right foot and with the tools that will get me and my life and health back on track to a point where I can start enjoying life again.

Never been so excited and terrified in my life before.

I will be spending, probably the entire morning and part of the afternoon, of 20th December and the hospital for my “pre-op” appointments with the team that will be performing my implantation procedure.

After then I will have more details to share.

Nonetheless, I now have definitive dates and I am not living in limbo any more as to when I have a chance for life to start to become better, or closer to what I remember as normal and I just get to start feeling human again!

Some of you may know all of the stuff that I have had to go through this past 2 years and how much of struggle it has been. 

You have always been supportive and great at feeding my energy to keep on going.

Some things that happened to me have caused me to adapt to life with the attitude and affirmation that “this is the new reality” and you just deal with it.

Keep it as simple as this, you ran out of cream for your coffee, you either drink it black or you stop at Starbucks ^» 01 or you have nothing.

So I have a new reality.

One of my closest lil’buddies, that I have not shared too much with because he has had to deal with some stuff and finish up school and focus and I wanted to support him, well we finally caught up.

He is a smart kid and said to me, “life has its ups and downs but sounds like you can only get better from here".

And I replied, “that is what tomorrow is for.”

You don’t “have a good day” you “make” it a good day.

So make tomorrow better than today.

Thanks lil’bro --- love ya!

1. internationally recognized coffee chain only reason I used it

You gotta be fucking kidding me? Really? FUCK OFF!

A woman faces assault charges after a Toronto streetcar passenger allegedly used her young child as a weapon to attack other passengers.

Police said the woman and her three-year-old daughter were travelling on a Dundas Street East streetcar at Parliament Street on June 24 when an altercation arose with another passenger.

According to police, the accused began swinging her child, as well as a stroller, striking one of the victims. The woman then allegedly pulled the hair of a passenger who tried to intervene. The woman got off the car with her child at Broadview Avenue and walked away.

Police said Monday that they have charged the woman with assault with a weapon — the stroller — and two counts of assault, including one involving the child.

Read more here.

Nothing like living in the cesspool of trash!

Recently the riots in Vancouver and now this.

I mean sure use your chillins to clean the house; push the vacuum, mow the lawn or clean the mirrors…but as a weapon!

Here is a prime example of someone who should NOT be allowed to spread her legs.

PERIOD. ^» 01

BTW do you like the alliteration on my tags?  Clever eh?

1. Please don’t take that some where dirty and wrong

This past week at work I was on the other side of that fence. Or so I thought I was until something else dawned on me.

Here is the background story…

I had a couple come to the airport to fly back home.  The gentleman, lets call him John, was in a wheelchair and his wife, lets call her Jane.

It of course was obvious that since John was in a wheelchair he was going to require some extra assistance and I was more than prepared and happy to offer that to him. 

It was not too long ago that I needed extra assistance.  Still, at present I am not the guy I was 3 months ago.  ^» 01

The checkin process was tedious because of the extra preparations and getting things set up to make John as comfortable as possible. 

By the way Jane is standing a little off to the side, trying to be as helpful as possible and at the same time I could tell she was just so exhausted.

Now I do not know what John’s intentions were, what the motivation was ^» 02, or if it was just the way he delivered but he had this sense of “entitlement” where as because he was in a wheelchair and required assistance, that everything should stop for him.

Reality check. There are limitations.  There is only so much that can happen.  That is the way life is.

Then he pulls this “card” out…

I have just had heart surgery.

Now that is the wrong card to play at my table.  ^» 03

Up to this point John looked down on me, he treated me with absolutely no respect.  He completely looked at me and judged me on what he saw.

So I asked him where he had his surgery.  Wanting to know what hospital he was at.

Sure enough the same hospital I was in.  Same floor. Same unit.  Same doctors.

I asked him who his doctors were.  ^» 04

We share the same doctors.

So I then told him that we shared the same doctors, I told him about staying in the same ward and told him that I had Congestive Heart Failure due to Dilated Cardiomyopathy and LBBB.

Wow did his mood ever change.

Now I got respect. 

It was like I was talking to a completely different person.

Now he started treating me like I was his best friend of 40 years.

So the lesson?

I am hoping that it goes without saying even though I am going to say it here, “don’t judge a book by its cover” but it also warrants saying, “don’t be surprised” who you share a bond with.

Since John and I have the same Doctors I wonder how long it will take for us to run into each other again when we are going for our check-ups?

1. I hate stairs now!
2. if he had any
3. Here is where you play the needle scratching across the record in your head
4. There is a large cardio team there

1. wink wink

Is she crazy?

Is she a wing nut?

Is she the voice of reason?

Tell me!

This has been a major annoyance of mine, especially during rush-hour when the subway stations are packed with commuters and all the trains seem to come in at the same time. 

Ideally I am thinking about the Yonge/Bloor station. ^» 01

When there is an escalator and a set of stairs, like you see pictured here to the right, and you are traveling the same direction the escalator is traveling in and the station is full.  Take the escalator!

Let us pretend that the escalator is going UP and you wish to exit the packed subway station.  Then simply take the escalator UP to street level.

Those of us that want to go DOWN have no choice but to take the stairs and not only is it unsafe to be jostling for position on wet tile stairs, it is a pain in the ass seeing an empty escalator traveling UP and having to fight with all of you going UP while we are trying to go DOWN.

The same goes for the other way, if the escalator is going DOWN and that is the direction you are going, then go DOWN the escalator and leave the space on the stairs for people to go UP.

Another thing, if you let us get off the subway car at the station there will be MORE ROOM for you to get on.

Same thing goes for elevators!

There said it.

All better now.

1. For those of you not familiar this is the “core” station downtown where 2 major lines cross.  Ironically, there are 3 stations within a 3 station radius of this ‘main’ station where these 2 lines cross.

Simple as that!

Educate.

Pictured here Al Baxter; Baxter made his Wallaby debut against the All Blacks during the 2003 Bledisloe Cup.

He recently earned his 50th test cap against Canada((curses!!)) during the 2007 Rugby World Cup.

He has become only the second Australian prop to reach the milestone along with former NSW Waratahs coach Ewen McKenzie.

He is currently the most capped Wallaby prop. Baxter has been named in the current Tri Nations squad and he is the first choice tighthead prop for the Wallabies.

Baxter scored his first Super 14 try on his 100th appearance for the NSW Waratahs.

Away from rugby, Baxter has a degree in architecture.

Read more about Al Baxter here.

It is driving me crazy!

So last night I decided to check out what the weekly forecast was, I know how exciting right?

Spring has started, and here come the migraines for turnipHed…oh great!

I included both Celsius and Fahrenheit for all my readers.

Enjoy!

This is something I have never shared with anyone other than shhortBus and my sister but I think it is time I start taking care of me and doing what I need to do for me.

I wish this woman, that you will see below, was my Grandma…

How lucky this man is to have someone who loves him like this and will stand up for him because of who he is not what he is.

This woman has a true understanding of what human nature is about, what makes us the people we are.  Really people it is as simple as why some people like brussel sprouts and others do not.

OK where is turnipHed going with this?

Why this means so much to me is because after my Grandma died I was handed an envelope ^» 01 by my Grandpa as were we all there; my mother, my sister and those that could make their way through the blizzard.  My Grandma did have a flair, just saying.))

Curiosity got the best of all of us and we all went to a private corner to read what had been written.

It was a letter from Grandma, knowing she was going to be leaving, she has written it beforehand. ^» 02

Mine started out really sweet.

She talked about her memories of me being a little boy, some of the times we spent together in the kitchen and how she never could make enough cookies for the “ladies function at church” because I would eat half the cookie dough while she wasn’t looking.  But, she knew. 

That brought back fond memories. 

I smiled.

She talked to me about how amazing it was that we had the chance to spend time in Africa ^» 03 together.  For her to share with me why she had been drawn there and why she chose the path that she did and why she made the decisions she did.

I accept all that, I am proud of my Grandma for following her convictions. For following her passions. For being true to herself.  ^» 04

I can and do even respect that.

Sadly…

The message in her letter quickly changed, and so has my mood, emotion and the way I am approaching this article right now.

Her letter told me how disappointed she was that I “chose” to be gay.

CHOSE?

Those of you reading this, may all have your opinion about sexuality.  I really do not want to get into that discussion here any more than to say to you; I hate brussel sprouts, but shhortBus loves them, I put mayonnaise on my sandwiches but BigFatty hates mayonnaise, I enjoy a Gin Martini but @FoulMonkeys hates gin but BigFatty loves gin too.

Tonight I am choosing to stop at the Greek restaurant and get a donair for supper – THAT IS A CHOICE.

What is not a choice is who I am, not who I fall in love with, what is a choice is what I choose to do with it.

It really is not any different than putting the same 5 ingredients in front of 3 different chefs, they will all come up with a different dish.

I realise it takes time for people to understand ideas, concepts, I think we call that “evolution of the mind.”

If I really need to point it out, in the Dark Ages, people were afraid of water because they thought water itself carried disease.

Well we all know that not to be true…don’t we?

I do not want to sound like I am on a soap box here at all, my sexual, emotional, physical, mental behaviour are all really part of my humanity. 

Humanity is where it is at and that is what this woman in the video below is talking about.

Humanity…

Pretty simple isn’t it?

I will say this, I am proud of the impact my Grandma had on others in her life.  I love her, I will always love her. I don’t and won’t and haven’t always liked her, or stuff she has said to me, but I can be proud of her still the same.

Especially when I come across someone that my Grandma has touched and effected their life.  Such as I wrote about here.

What saddens me is that I was not one of those people. 

So I just do it for myself.  ^» 05

Ok so enough is enough…here is the video that I am referring to but please scroll down because if you have not seen it yet ^» 06 I want you to watch the video that started it all – it is a true testament to my life.

I did not turn out any different, I do not hold any values different than my family.  In fact I open my door as often as I can to those that need it. 

Remind me sometime to tell you the story about Sunday evenings at my apartment when I lived in Edmonton and how that relates to a massive snow storm way back in the old days!.

So here is  an Iowa Grandmother Speaking in Favour of Marriage Equality – or what I like to call “Human Rights”

And here is Zack Wahls speaking to the fact that he is NO different because of his upbringing.

I bow my head to both of YOU.

Please do visit the actual YouTube pages of both these videos to read the comments that have been posted.  Add your voice.

Also please do follow Towleroad – I am so glad I learned about Towleroad ^» 07 and this site is part of my everyday reading.  It should be yours too.

And as always Sophia knew how to punctuate it…when you are in your quiet moment, sitting side by side, holding hands, touch knees, watching the snow fall or the sun rise or set, who else is there in that moment and what rite does anyone have to dictate what that means to you and that person there with you.

1. at the body viewing, of all times – I mean really?!
2. I mean that was going to happen, she was in her 90s
3. Cameroon to be exact
4. Shakespeare – “to thine own self be true….”
5. which is really what we need to do first but its always nice when someone else does it – I mean I can make myself smile and laugh and giggle but it is way more fun when someone you care about makes you smile, laugh and giggle or just feel safe
6. what rock are you hiding under?
7. I wish I could thank the person that turned me in the direction of Towleroad but he no longer can be named due to…shutting up now

It is beyond official @KimBeaver is the most talented person on the InterWebs!

I strongly suggest that you check out KimBeaver.com – even if you are not familiar with all the content, its a great way to get to know some new people!